George Will saw fit to include in his latest Newsweek column this joke:
"How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? No one knows, it's never been tried."

''The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.''
-- Comedian Dennis Miller

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day - the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"

"Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without your accordion."

The New York Post branded France and Germany ''The Axis of Weasel,''

Mark Twain joked in an 1879 journal, ''There is nothing lower than the human race except the French.''

Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? People were confused about which side to spit on.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--- General George S. Patton

Question: What English word has no equivalent in the French language? Answer: Gratitude.

Q. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? A. To get as far away from the French as possible.

Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly? It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? A: Because it doesn't really exist.

Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy.....To see all their other ships.

Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 forward. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the forward gear comes in handy

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.

What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered during WWII? "Table for One Hundred Thousand?".

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

How many Generals does it take to run the French Army? A. None, they run by themselves.

Why do the French want more time before engaging in war with Iraq? Their still learning the Arabic translation of "We Surrender!"

Just after the Yanks and Brits liberated Paris from the Germans in 1944, French "General" de Gaulle insisted he lead the victory march into Paris. The Yanks and Brits protested because they, not the French, had sacrificed so many more lives in freeing the French city and country from the Nazis. They, not the French, had brutally battled their way to the outskirts of the city while the French were still serving the Germans. The cunning de Gaulle convincingly won the argument, however, by declaring "It's important today for Paris to see the French army at its bravest--and the French are never braver than when she has the Americans and British behind her back!"

What do the French call the German occupation during WWII? "A workable, reasonable occupation that was disturbed by the Yanks & Brits."

A local morning radio show has a joke where they prank phone call someone each day. One day they called one of the big fancy hotels in Paris, France. The woman answered the phone and said, "Bonjour!" The radio host asked her, "Do you speak English?" "As a matter of fact I do," she said. He then asked, "Do you speak German?" "No," she replied. "You would if we wouldn't have rescued your butts, TWICE!" he said.